so i'm not dreaming really anymore. i'm trying to only sleep for 6 hours so it is helping. but i did wake up last night with the thought about Georgia in my mind and got some message about 8 of us. i need to ask about how to tell the difference between my mind tripping me up and actually having some sort of true access to myself during those times i do manage to quiet my mind down. tomorrow, tonight i go off and sleep only for a little while. then on, on towards the one again,
living word, that i need to decipher too...
Monday, December 8, 2008
see saw
I am so easily influenced by others. It's like I have no back bone per say. I can read a post and react to it and then read somone elses reaction and be like, YEAah they are right and then read a reply or rebuttal and be like, yeah, they are right....jeepers, no parameters at all fro what I know. I love what kid mongo wrote about putting knowledge into action and then it is no longer knowledge. I feel like I need to do that. It is time to do that, it istime to do something. All this gathering, putting into the mind and no outlet. but it has to be a true outlet,not an obsessive, i gotta do something outlet. i guess it'll work itself out.
i loved carolina's post she seems really balance, not bi polar. it's like the exorcisms in my book, the people were actually really close to self realization and because the church completely rejects xthe negative, they had the truth exorcised out of them. Sad but true, good ole church, helping humans so much along their way....when will we all stand up and admit this isn't working?
I just knew ignoring the negative wasnt correc application. it made me feel nauseous when I heard it. I still feel the brain sync stuff will be ok to us though. it is just creating a brain wave state that certainly can be useful from slowing down my brain, god, it is constant this noggin of mine. going, going, going....there are always conversations and permeatations and calculations going on in there. at least when I'm reading Desteni I am totally present.
It's like everything is falling in place now. I'm beginning to see that maybe v has been doing this same thing all along. She has the same message - just doesn't express her channeling the same way except to say it isn't channelling and she doesn't know what she does. She's a portal, some kind of portal has occurred through her body and she has become aware, the veil is lifted. I think the veil has been lifted from my eyes now. Maybe I will begin to see but it doesn't dven matter anymore, it's not about seeing or becoming a channel for anything. for me its about reconciling with self. seeing my own demons, facing them then facing the world then somehow creating, self directing a life that supports myself in the process but that also supports others who are ready to wake up.\
awakening
accepting responsibility
creating solutions
realizing love (what is is anyways? no idea.....) Love is something connected to life and existence. it is somehow a vital element in our self revelation but has nothing to do with what we call love here. it is not a feel good and fuzzy on the inside kind of thing. it is so much more , it is nothing.
carving out new initiatives.
how can we do this here, not feel like we have to go to dEsteni to become validated? we have our portal already, we have been working with her for years. she will not be outed or revealed. \
certainly I don't believe anything we do there, i never have. i've always had one foot out of the door. my commitment is surface, and i am not attached to anything to do with it. but, outside of all the perceived ways the portal is still plugged into the systems, i think she is unique too. i think she is busting the system from the inside, which means on the exterior she is perpetuating all the new age crap but within it is actually being altered, the codes being changed, to all being equal and one...stepping outside the mind....beyond. crap , i think i finally see whats going on here. all this stuff if put before us to see how we will react. the skulls, the pyramids, the crystals..................if we give our power to these things we must walk past that. i am over my crystal skull identification. i identify with nothing....i just am everything.
Desteni is not the only source of true truth or real reality but it sure is a clear one.
True truth \
a gem, rare, not shiny
ugly, stupid, unquestioning slave
Real reality=all we will not face
all we will not accept as us
all we will not stop
all we think we are \not
what a trip, maybe the skulls were implanted before the mind consciousness sytems were put in place. maybe the skulls are exactly what we placed here to call us from our slumber. maybe the crap at desteni is just crap and it was only from their perspective that all dimensions no longer exist...actually it doesn't matter...none of what v'channels' has ever said they were even dimensional beings. all is within. vspeaks from within herself. not becuase she is perfect or special but just because her body happens to be the portal. agreements were made before time and before the soul construct and before the white light for us to do what we are doing now. i think some shit does need to go down in order for the buld of humanity to wakie up but we have cracked through much of the perceived canopies already.
all is within me. follow what i know...turn my knowledge into action. experience myself in every breath...forgive my mind, thank my mind for being here to showme how much i am plugged into my mind!
i loved carolina's post she seems really balance, not bi polar. it's like the exorcisms in my book, the people were actually really close to self realization and because the church completely rejects xthe negative, they had the truth exorcised out of them. Sad but true, good ole church, helping humans so much along their way....when will we all stand up and admit this isn't working?
I just knew ignoring the negative wasnt correc application. it made me feel nauseous when I heard it. I still feel the brain sync stuff will be ok to us though. it is just creating a brain wave state that certainly can be useful from slowing down my brain, god, it is constant this noggin of mine. going, going, going....there are always conversations and permeatations and calculations going on in there. at least when I'm reading Desteni I am totally present.
It's like everything is falling in place now. I'm beginning to see that maybe v has been doing this same thing all along. She has the same message - just doesn't express her channeling the same way except to say it isn't channelling and she doesn't know what she does. She's a portal, some kind of portal has occurred through her body and she has become aware, the veil is lifted. I think the veil has been lifted from my eyes now. Maybe I will begin to see but it doesn't dven matter anymore, it's not about seeing or becoming a channel for anything. for me its about reconciling with self. seeing my own demons, facing them then facing the world then somehow creating, self directing a life that supports myself in the process but that also supports others who are ready to wake up.\
awakening
accepting responsibility
creating solutions
realizing love (what is is anyways? no idea.....) Love is something connected to life and existence. it is somehow a vital element in our self revelation but has nothing to do with what we call love here. it is not a feel good and fuzzy on the inside kind of thing. it is so much more , it is nothing.
carving out new initiatives.
how can we do this here, not feel like we have to go to dEsteni to become validated? we have our portal already, we have been working with her for years. she will not be outed or revealed. \
certainly I don't believe anything we do there, i never have. i've always had one foot out of the door. my commitment is surface, and i am not attached to anything to do with it. but, outside of all the perceived ways the portal is still plugged into the systems, i think she is unique too. i think she is busting the system from the inside, which means on the exterior she is perpetuating all the new age crap but within it is actually being altered, the codes being changed, to all being equal and one...stepping outside the mind....beyond. crap , i think i finally see whats going on here. all this stuff if put before us to see how we will react. the skulls, the pyramids, the crystals..................if we give our power to these things we must walk past that. i am over my crystal skull identification. i identify with nothing....i just am everything.
Desteni is not the only source of true truth or real reality but it sure is a clear one.
True truth \
a gem, rare, not shiny
ugly, stupid, unquestioning slave
Real reality=all we will not face
all we will not accept as us
all we will not stop
all we think we are \not
what a trip, maybe the skulls were implanted before the mind consciousness sytems were put in place. maybe the skulls are exactly what we placed here to call us from our slumber. maybe the crap at desteni is just crap and it was only from their perspective that all dimensions no longer exist...actually it doesn't matter...none of what v'channels' has ever said they were even dimensional beings. all is within. vspeaks from within herself. not becuase she is perfect or special but just because her body happens to be the portal. agreements were made before time and before the soul construct and before the white light for us to do what we are doing now. i think some shit does need to go down in order for the buld of humanity to wakie up but we have cracked through much of the perceived canopies already.
all is within me. follow what i know...turn my knowledge into action. experience myself in every breath...forgive my mind, thank my mind for being here to showme how much i am plugged into my mind!
reactions galore!!!!
I have no idea if anyone will read this but I guess it doesn't really matter....that's the point. But I'm going to write it as if no one will because I would censore myself if I thought anyone would see it.
I'm reading through the forum now and kid mongo pisses me off!!!!!! I don't understand how one can be standing up for oneness and equality but then say only those who accept fully and understand all the material are his equals. And others shall be abused until they choose to take their lying dishonest selves elsewhere....the proliferation of abuse is something that should be halted, nO?????
OK, rant done. I know how I would be treated if I posted something on the forum about this so I won't bother, I"ll just work it out for myself. If it has to do with halting the ego and he says then I definitely know that is a huge piece for me. I want people to be nice to each other, to accept each other and to be ONE and can't reconcile in my MIND how abusing someone so they'll leave the forums is 'helpful' to anyone involved. Especially those of us wanting to jump in...AARRGGGHH< ok, i'll stop with the kid mongo stuff...this is supposed to be about me anyways...
I am an obsessive in so many ways. I get onto something and that's it, focus cannot be altered. I guess I'm still looking for something outside of myself to fulfill myself. I'm unplugged from alot of the systems of the world, relationships, money, career, fashion, entertainment...but I do love history and I love to read...obsessively. I keep trying to bring some threads forward from the past that will make me feel secure with what we're doing now. Don't know why...just seems to be this thing I have. I want to find the little thread of truth that runs through all of history, thinking maybe someone, somewhere holds the key to what's going on.
OK, the mind that is never quiet, the mind that is definitely in control, the mind that speaks to me in whole sentances....which made me believe it was the 'truth' somehow....how logical is that?
After finding desteni I wanted to completely reject everything else in my life but I'm not going to do that because that is just another kind of reaction, keeping me on the pendulum swing....I'm starting to see that it is the starting point that is important. And to act from there. Key me thinks.
What really cracks me up is that I started Kundalini yoga just a few weeks ago thinking I had found my path finally!!! And i guess I had, that predestined path I was uncovering for myself, the one that made me feel I had a special mission here in life that I had volounteered for at some point along the continuum....ah well....to the present moment.....some of the interviewees lived a whole life time believing in their mission and only got to see reality once they were gone. I should be grateful I only had to wait 38 years to be knocked into reality...which I still don't really know yet...the mind is TOO STRONG!!!!
Some self-forgiveness before I go (I cant help but feel a bit cultish doing this...I've been in a cult situation before and it's like we're all just doing it because we're told to....but I guess I'll just give it a try and give the mind a chance to take a vacation....)
I forgive myself for allowing my mind to control me.
I forgive myself for allowing my mind to be my guide.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to be a victim of my mind.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to be part of the lie.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to buy into the system.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to be the system.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to lie to myself.
I forgive myself for allowing myself tobe lied to.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to judge myself for falling for the lies.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to feed the lies.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to be a tool for others to lie to themselves.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to be a fool.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to waste so many lifetimes.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to be the system.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to create the system.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to perpetuate the system.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to continue the system even after it had been dismantled.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to think I came to here to rescue humanity.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to want to abandon the earth.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to be seperate from the earth.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to be seperate from the trees.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to be seperate from other humans.
I'm reading through the forum now and kid mongo pisses me off!!!!!! I don't understand how one can be standing up for oneness and equality but then say only those who accept fully and understand all the material are his equals. And others shall be abused until they choose to take their lying dishonest selves elsewhere....the proliferation of abuse is something that should be halted, nO?????
OK, rant done. I know how I would be treated if I posted something on the forum about this so I won't bother, I"ll just work it out for myself. If it has to do with halting the ego and he says then I definitely know that is a huge piece for me. I want people to be nice to each other, to accept each other and to be ONE and can't reconcile in my MIND how abusing someone so they'll leave the forums is 'helpful' to anyone involved. Especially those of us wanting to jump in...AARRGGGHH< ok, i'll stop with the kid mongo stuff...this is supposed to be about me anyways...
I am an obsessive in so many ways. I get onto something and that's it, focus cannot be altered. I guess I'm still looking for something outside of myself to fulfill myself. I'm unplugged from alot of the systems of the world, relationships, money, career, fashion, entertainment...but I do love history and I love to read...obsessively. I keep trying to bring some threads forward from the past that will make me feel secure with what we're doing now. Don't know why...just seems to be this thing I have. I want to find the little thread of truth that runs through all of history, thinking maybe someone, somewhere holds the key to what's going on.
OK, the mind that is never quiet, the mind that is definitely in control, the mind that speaks to me in whole sentances....which made me believe it was the 'truth' somehow....how logical is that?
After finding desteni I wanted to completely reject everything else in my life but I'm not going to do that because that is just another kind of reaction, keeping me on the pendulum swing....I'm starting to see that it is the starting point that is important. And to act from there. Key me thinks.
What really cracks me up is that I started Kundalini yoga just a few weeks ago thinking I had found my path finally!!! And i guess I had, that predestined path I was uncovering for myself, the one that made me feel I had a special mission here in life that I had volounteered for at some point along the continuum....ah well....to the present moment.....some of the interviewees lived a whole life time believing in their mission and only got to see reality once they were gone. I should be grateful I only had to wait 38 years to be knocked into reality...which I still don't really know yet...the mind is TOO STRONG!!!!
Some self-forgiveness before I go (I cant help but feel a bit cultish doing this...I've been in a cult situation before and it's like we're all just doing it because we're told to....but I guess I'll just give it a try and give the mind a chance to take a vacation....)
I forgive myself for allowing my mind to control me.
I forgive myself for allowing my mind to be my guide.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to be a victim of my mind.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to be part of the lie.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to buy into the system.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to be the system.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to lie to myself.
I forgive myself for allowing myself tobe lied to.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to judge myself for falling for the lies.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to feed the lies.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to be a tool for others to lie to themselves.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to be a fool.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to waste so many lifetimes.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to be the system.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to create the system.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to perpetuate the system.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to continue the system even after it had been dismantled.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to think I came to here to rescue humanity.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to want to abandon the earth.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to be seperate from the earth.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to be seperate from the trees.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to be seperate from other humans.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
