definitely addicted

I can feel when I'm moving out of presence and into automatic mode. Lately its been around eating. I will eat but then go scrounge around for more to eat which I will then finish eating only because i've filled my plate with it. Even tough I do't have a weight problem I have an eating addiction for sure. Seems to be worse now that I'm onto the Desteni stuff. LIke it is that last vestige of the system holding onto me, that last piece I'm allowing to keep my hooked in. I went through a really nice time a few months ago where I became so aware of what I was eating and why - only eating enough to nourish me as that was the intent. now I stuff myself. I don't like the feeling after but it is certainly a compulsion. Becoming more aware now though, only sort of pigging out rather than completely pigging out. I used to be so addicted to candy that i would make myself sick on it...now I jsut make myself a little bit sick and I get tired of the sugar influx quicker now I think. I don't know if its 'bad' or not but it certainly is my current thing to work with. That and my mind, my mind is constantly going, not about the past or future sso much...well i guess the near future. it s like I alwyas want to be doing the next thing on my list rather than me enjoying the thing I am doing. I think that when I get to the point when I can settle and and do...whatever, then my mind will relax and I will be present. But that doesn't happen, I shouldn't be too hard on myself. I am finding a quiet place within me that I haven't acccessed much before. I thought everyone was like me but A seems to have a quietness in her being that isn't always stimulated. I can be sayuing a mantra in my head and stlll creating a shopping list, thinking about what movie I want to rent, and odind my finances! Oh well, one stip at a time I guess. That's all for today. I didn't write yesterday. A and I pull eachother off our routines I think a little bit. Need to try and keep time to myelf even when she's home all day. we don't need to spend every second togehter on her days off. We don't even each want to I'm sure...